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Lookupuk.com - England (Adoption Related) Board
Message #16972

Board Name: England (Adoption Related)
Ca USA Oct 23, 2001
I am not sure this is the right format for this, but we are all involved in the same thing both adoptees, siblings and birth parents.

Today, I discovered that Westminster Council is going to offer the intermediary service, and this is how it will work.

First, I must be interviewed by a counsellor, who will prepare a report for an Adoption Panel who will prepare a report for the Director, who will have final discretion as to whether or not I qualify for the intermediary service.

Why am I so upset and indignant over this?

Well, it will probably be another 6 months before I even get started, then the whole process will take anywhere up to another 6 months and then the search may or may not occur. perhaps I won't measure up.

Why am I so angry, I ask myself, I think the answer lies in the fact that for so many years I never felt anger or bitterness about the way I was treated, after all I had committed a dreadful sin, had a child out of wedlock and thus received the treatment I deserved. Now I know better, I have, as have so many others, paid a very high price for my sin and the record should finally show paid in full.It is time my cries of pain cease.

Strange, that so many years ago there was no counselling, no interviews.I don't remember being interviewed to see if I was deemed capable of giving my child up. All I remember was the all important doctor's appointment for my daughter so she could have her clean bill of health to be adopted. I remember the doctor and I did chuckle over the question on the form that asked "Does the child look Jewish" she was but how can you tell when a child is 6 weeks old. The idiocy of the system back then.

Another set of interesting facts is that I have received copies of letters supposedly sent from the agency to me and vice versa, well the agency letters refer to letters sent by parents, I have no recollection of ever having received them and the files do not contain them. And the Request For Adoption Services, contains my signature, purportedly signed by me but definitely not so. I have also heard that my complaints about these letters never having been received therefore never sent, as in all probability being true.The agency had four standard letters that they sent out when they felt appropriate, the one size fits all approach, the heck with the truth.

There is the next reason for my anger, we were treated shabbily and I believe fraudulently all those years back, it is time to turn the tables and treat us with dignity and respect, we have earned it. Our feelings should be just as important as our children's feelings. We did after all think foremost of them when the decision was made ( there was no choice).

I have sent a similiar letter to this to Downing Street, since the adoption bill is about to be heard again. I ended it by asking the question. If you had spent the past 42 years not knowing the simple truth "is my daughter alive and well" you would understand the birthmother's pain.

I am going to take a break from the searching and looking, the toll it has taken on me is immeasurable.

Good Luck to all in your searches


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